There’s that moment in your life when you go through something that changes you in such a way that you can never go back to the person you were before. I’m there. That’s where I am. How can I possibly compile all the thoughts surging through my hyper-active brain into words capable of being understood……. We can get so sure of ourselves. So certain we know what we want. We make our five year plan and we grow up, set our sights on the goal and we work our butts off to succeed. Then life throws us a classic curve ball and in an instant we have to decide how to swing.
I had the ultimate pleasure of spending some time last weekend with one of the most amazing couples I’ve ever met. I wish I could tell you everything about their love story! It’s a beautiful tale; enticing, romantic and full of adventure. Two people who met at what could’ve been the most diverse walks of life, he was 36, she was 19, but yet they are soul mates. Working a ranch side by side throughout their entire marriage, doing everything together, companions through it all. He can sit down with you today after over 35 years of marriage and still tell you exactly what she was wearing the first time he saw her. The look in their eyes when you ask them about the other is pure affection, even when they’re taunting one another. Incredible. Then the curve ball.
Cancer.
We all face storms. We all experience panic. One sentence of bad news can corrode our confidence. No one could have prepared me for the emotions I would feel spending time with them. Listening to the fascinating stories of their life, seeing all the pictures, watching them relive their most cherished memories with smiles and laughs, and then watch the elephant in the room steal those smiles. You could literally see the light go out of their eyes and replaced with pain, fear, then anger. How could this happen to such an amazing, devoted pair? He told me during one of our tear jerking heart-to-hearts that throughout their entire relationship, they’ve only spent five nights apart from each other… ever. And now he is having to face losing his very best friend to that ugly monster. Watching the love of his life crumble right before his eyes. It’s excruciatingly painful to see, and I don’t have the time invested that they do, so I can’t even fathom what their hearts must be feeling.
I needed some time to think, to process. I think I fell in love with this couple because they have absolutely everything I want out of life. The farm life, the companionship in everything, and finding that one person who truly gets me. The trouble is, you think you have time. You are going to live a life filled with good and terrible moments. Cancer teaches you to treasure each moment, give love freely and discover a deeper faith. But is there any amount of planning that can prepare you for something like that? I don’t know whether to completely shut off my feelings from caring too deeply about another human being again, for fear of having to hurt as deeply as they’re hurting at the thought of losing each other, or to throw caution to the wind and just love as hard and profoundly for fear of wasting precious moments. My system is shocked. I will never look at life the same, and for that I am thankful.
No comments:
Post a Comment